Let me just start by clarifying that my life is filled with love – just not the romantic type, which is what I’m writing about right now.
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m 23 years old and I’ve been single/unattached since birth. And I mean this in the purest way. Meaning I’ve never had a “thing” with anyone, nor have I ever had an “it’s complicated” type of relationship where the nature of the relationship hasn’t been defined. I’ve never flirted with someone for a period longer than 30 mins., I’ve never had a boyfriend prospect, etc. You get the picture.
I know there are other people out there who’s had even lesser experience than myself but I just find my “situation” so frustrating especially when everyone around me knows how being “attached” feels like. Whereas I’m basically just living vicariously through Nicholas Sparks’ novels (I love you, Noah Calhoun). This has been something that I’ve thought about way, way before I was in my 20s – something that I could just push at the back most part of my mind and worry about later. However, my subconscious has successfully managed to push the issue into my conscious. Hence, finding myself on this couch, writing about my love life.. Or lack thereof.
The thing is.. I think I need to “warm-up” before I really put myself out there. I maybe need to practice my flirting a little. I also maybe need to expand my network and explore new places where I can find potential flirtees (person on the receiving end of a flirt)
The thing is.. I also know that I can only blame myself for this. I’m very picky (I can’t stress this enough), I (feel like I) don’t go out enough, and I like older men. In my defense, I am definitely working on the first 2 things. I’m trying to be more open to liking more people and just “putting myself out there” without making myself too available (and frankly, I don’t want to look desperate and slutty). And me liking older men is an issue because I don’t exactly know where to find these older men. I don’t hangout with older crowds. I mostly hangout with people my own age.